Funny Stories About Kids


One day, 3 yr. old Austin, saw a pregnant lady for the first time and asked his mom about it. She said that a baby is growing inside of her belly. However, he only connected belly with food so he asked, *"Why did she eat the baby?"* Alicia


My younger brother, Joey, was married to his sweetheart last year. While making wedding plans, Joey and Carrie (Joe's' fiancee), asked that my son Bobby (age 4), be the "ring bearer." Upon hearing the news, Bobby asked his Uncle Joe, *"Where am I going to get a Bear suit?"* Bill Gray

My seven year old Luis was told once that he had some Norwegian in him, and one day he announced *to a group if people that he was a "Bulgarian Mexican".*

One morning I handed my 6 year old his toast which was a little on the dark side. He said *"I can't eat that, I'm black toast intolerant."* Heide

**Frankie Quote**
"A Fripple line"	...means when there are 4 solid yellow lines in the middle of the road; you know when they redo the lines and don't quite make it on top of the old ones.


I've always told my children not to interrupt when someone is speaking. So when my oldest interrupted my 3 year old, it was announced: *"Mommy, Lindsey's erupting!!"* Corina Pratt	Lindsey was in the front seat of our car when the girls in the car next to us saw her with her finger up her nose and were laughing and pointing. Lindsey turned instantly shy, and I couldn't help laughing as well when she said, "Mommy, it's snot funny!"


3-1/2 yr. old Nicholas wanted our dinner hosts attention while she was talking, and kept calling her "Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith" I thought he was going to say something wonderful like, this is a nice meal, instead he said, *"Mrs. Smith, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full!"*

My son, Josh, is 2 years old and he fell off the chair the other day. After he calmed down he said, "I fly like Buzz!" (from Toy Story) Ginny Mihalek


My sister in law was visiting from out of state and we planned to go on a train ride through the California Redwoods, when my sister-in-law asked my 3 year old daughter if she had ever been on a train, Summer, (my daughter) replied *"I have been potty trained."* Kris


We were sitting at dinner one night, when my 3 year old son noticed Grandma taking her vitamins out of *her pill box. He said "Grandma are you sick?".* *She said "No".* Then my son said, *"Are you going to be sick?"* April


When my son "Tanis" was 4, we were taking a walk and I was pointing out different things and telling them the names of it all. I showed him a man hole in the road. When I told him it was a MAN HOLE, he responded, *"No mama it is a Turtle hole, I have never seen a man* *come out of one, and look at the design on it!!!"* (Ninja Turtle) To this day, he is now 7 years old, he still calls it a "Turtle Hole." Roger and Jo


My Grandmother (Mimi) died last year, and upon going to the funeral we had to explain to my 3 year old nephew that she lives with Jesus in Heaven now. My nephew later announced to another relative that his *"Great Mimi died and went to live with Jesus in Houston."* Kim


My sons were visiting with their Grandmother. While visiting her friends, one commented that my youngest looked like his mother. Another said the oldest like his grandmother. My youngest son replied.... *"No he doesn't, he don't got cracks in his face."*

When I asked my son Courtland, who is now 2 1/2 years old, if he would like to go on the "big potty" like big brother, he said..."No, that's too dangewous."


My son, D.J., at the age of five, upon seeing a man with a very leathered, wrinkled appearance: *"Hello there, you look like you're* *pretty old, and about ready to die."* Rande


The teacher of a Bible class asked the students to draw a Christian picture. As she watched them, she noticed one little girl was working very hard on her picture... When she asked her what she was drawing, the little girl said, "GOD!!" The teacher then stated that no one knows what GOD looks like!! With this the little girl said, "When I finish this picture they will!!!!!!"


At the dinner table my two year old son, Jared, told me that he would like to go to school now. I told him that you go to school in the morning for *starters and he simply replied "Me want to go to school at night Mom."* I** then asked him why at night? He replied "Because, me sleep in the morning!" Billie


My 4 1/2 year old Madison is curious about God, and she thinks about Him quite often. She told me today that pink has got to be God's favorite color because even though he made white and black and brown and red people, we all have pink parts. Most of us have pink lips and gums, we all have pink under our skin, and... most importantly, she says, *"He made pink lipstick!"* Mari


I was having one of those really bad days where everything just went wrong. I was driving down the street and my son Joey who was 2 at the time, was driving me crazy with all of his questions, his favorite word was, "why". Momma why this, and momma why that. I finally told him "Joey if you ask me "why" one more time I am going to punish you. After a few seconds, he looked at me with the most serious look on his face and asked me "how come?" At least he didn't ask why again!


As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out her 2 fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?" *"Mommy, where's my booger?"*


At my eight grade graduation dinner, my little cousin Conor, age 3, told a rather amusing story. He told everyone in the restaurant, rather loudly, that his mother had let him watch Austin Powers on TV. She of course didn't want everyone to know, but Conor showed us all a part of the movie. He raised his small finger to his mouth and said, "I think I'll call him.... Mini Me." Moira


One day my 11 year old niece, and her grandfather were riding down the road. He noticed she was being very quiet, which is very abnormal behavior for her. He caught her looking at him in a very curious way, so he asked her what she was thinking about. She replied, "Pa-Pa, I don't know why all you guys are *going to be 'wheel barrels' at Granny Wagner's funeral."*

As a catholic mother, my youngest daughter and I were saying our traditional nightly prayers which include the "Hail Mary". This is how she seriously said it, "Hail Mary, full of grapes!"


his little anecdote came out of the mouth of my 7 year old son. We were at the local arcade and each of my 3 children won some tickets so they could go pick out a prize. My son asked the person working behind the counter what was in the bottle, the person behind the counter said that it was invisible ink. He looks up with a gaze full of amazement and chimes in with, "Will it *make my sister disappear?"* Michelle


My cousin picked her six year old son up from school. When he got in the car, she noticed he had mud all over his face. She then asked him,"What happened to your face?" With a panicked look in his eyes he touched his cheek and replied, "It was there a minute ago"! Martha Brekke


I took my oldest son, who was about 4 at the time, to the gynecologist with me for a checkup awaiting the arrival of his baby brother. There was a poster on the wall of a woman with what it would look like with a fully developed fetus inside of her. Well, my son speaks up and says "OH NO!" I asked him what was the matter. He said, "I know that woman didn't swallow that whole chicken." Erin Dunford


Our terrific and very funny little 7 year old grandson, Austin, was visiting us with one of his friends. I offered the boys a snack and checked with Austin's friend, Jimmy, to be sure that he wasn't allergic to anything that I might give him. After Jimmy assured me that anything would be fine, Austin offered this insight into his allergic situation.... *"I'm not allergic to anything, Grandma, not even snakes! Know how I know? I* *was by one at school and I never even sneezed once!"* Cathy


When my son was 4 years old, we bought him a Woody doll, from Toy Story, for Christmas. We knew that he would really like it so we were very anxious for him to open the present. Much to our surprise, his response was not exactly what we'd expected... *"Look Mommy, I have a big woody now!"*


My wife was just finishing a bath and was standing in the tub reaching for a towel when our son, Mikey, walks in. She quickly grabbed the towel and rapped it around herself. Mikey looks at her and says, "I'm not interested in THOSE!"


Once when my son was 4 years old and wanting many things done at the same time...I told him, "Would you please hold on a second, I can only do one thing at a time?". He replied, *"Well you do have two hands, you know!"* Kacie


About a year ago, my mom and dad got remarried. My sister was about 6 at that time. After the ceremony we ate cake outside and my sister was acting like she was getting married. She asked me to be the preacher, so I did, and after a few minutes I asked her to *renew her vows and she said, "a-e-i-o-u- and sometimes y"* and everyone in the hole church started laughing! Christina**


When asked what is on her face, my 6 yr. old, Emmalie, announces proudly that they are her "polka spots"! When corrected, "They're called freckles, honey." Her reply is, "No, polka spots!" "Well, then they're polka DOTS." "NO! They're polka SPOTS!" So, I guess now we know. Heather Blake


My three year old asked his Dad, "Daddy can I go to work with you?" My husband replied, "No, Daddy will get fired if I take you with me." Then my son looked up in earnest and said, "That's ok, Mommy will throw some water on ya." It took me a minute to get it and then I laughed so hard I cried!!!


My Grandson, Tim, ran off with one of my sister Janet's tools. When I finally caught up with him I asked what he was hiding behind his back. He looked at me with wide eyes and said, *"I have Aunt Jacket's goosedriver!"*


I was looking in your site and thought that I might add something my son who is now 22 years said when he was about six or seven. He came rushing in and asked, mummy, how many testicles does an octopus have, well you could imagine how hard it was not to burst out laughing, but I managed it, and said I'm not sure about that but they have eight tentacles.


In our children's church class, we were doing an object lesson using a cup with vinegar and a cup with baking soda. The cup with vinegar had a cross drawn on the front and the teacher explained how this cup was Jesus and the cup with the baking soda was your heart. After mixing the two, and seeing the bubbles, one inquisitive 3 year old took a big whif of the "Jesus" cup and exclaimed, "Man, Jesus needs a bath!"


I decided to write you with a short story about my 5 year old. After I heard her say this, and I told my family what she said.. They told me I need to have this put in a magazine or something. So I got online and typed in Kids say, and I got your email, so here goes. Everyday after work, I pick my daughter up and carry her with me to cheerleading practice ( I am a coach). Well a few weeks ago , taking the same route, we passed a dead skunk. She said, "awwww mommy is he dead" I replied "yes he is" She said "poor skunk. The next day we came by the same spot and she said, "awww mommy its still there. I said "yes he is, but he is okay." She was so sad cause he was still laying in the street. A few weeks passed and we did not come that way. Well yesterday we came that way and she yelled "MOMMY HE'S GONE", I said who, She said the skunk in an excited voice. I said yes he's gone. She said he's gone to heaven right? I said yes he is. Then she paused and said. "OH NO!!" I said what's the matter. She said, "I sure hope Jesus dont smell that old funky thing." I was laughing so hard that I had to pull the car over to catch my breath.

**My Son Joey, almost 5 at the time...**
One day, while we were all riding in our van, my oldest son was wondering about the possibility of him being in a wedding some day, thinking of his uncle who isn't married yet. My husband told him that maybe some year he and I would get married again, when Joey blurted out, "You can't get married again, then you would have to have more babies and we don't want that, right Mom?" When I got control of myself I replied, "two is just the right amount".


One day while sitting at the table, my 5 yr old daughter says, "Mom, I thought you said Christmas was around the corner?" When i replied, "It is." She then said, "No it isn't, i looked for it, and it wasn't there!"	On one side of town it smells like someone just passed gas. Everytime we drive through it one of the kids will say "Ooh, who farted?" I always say, "That's just the sewer plant." Well, one day after years of this, my 7 yr old asked, "What does a sewer plant look like?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, does it have any flowers or is it just a bush?"

One morning as I was getting ready for work my 2 year old son
was singing, "Baa Baa pink sheep have you any wool?"... I said,
"Brandon, you are suppose to sing Baa Baa Black sheep."
He turn around with mostserious face and said,
"No mama, its a girl sheep."

Hi, my name is Jeanne. This happened many years ago when my children were 5 & 6. I had been a blonde for many years and one day I decided to put my hair back to auburn. I sent them off to school and proceded to do my hair. I went to the bus stop to meet them with my neighbor. When they got off the bus they came up to us, my neighbor said to them, "Who is this lady?" pointing to me. They replied, "That's no lady, thats my mommy!" That day will never be forgotten.

My 2 1/2 year old daughter had been sick with an upset stomach and
diarrhea for two days. I was eating Mexican chips and salsa and she
wanted some. I told her it would hurt her bottom if she ate it. She said,
"But I will eat it wif my mouf!"

My husband and I were entertaining a friend from New York and his 3 year old daughter one weekend. Her Mom was working, and we expected her to arrive Saturday afternoon. As her Mom's arrival drew near, I said to little Nicole,
"Honey, lets get you cleaned up. Your Mommy will be here soon and you're all dirty." She looked at me and replied in perfect Brooklynese,
"Yeah, and I got boogers in my nose, too."